Some years ago my daughter stopped being a baby, and it is something I talked about a long time ago in Babies and more , where I shared a reflection about the mixed feelings that this provoked in me . But today, I want to share another reflection that many mothers may identify with: the arrival of the first child.
The first baby is the one that breaks all the schemes and completely changes your life. Therefore, today I dedicate a letter to my first daughter: the one who taught me to be a mother and discovered a new way of loving .
I can still remember the day I found out you were on your way. It was a Thursday like any other in the office, but I had a few days feeling “weird.” I decided to take a pregnancy test and found out that I was pregnant. I have to confess: I was very excited, but at the same time I was terrified .
A thousand questions began to flood my mind: can I handle this? Will I be a good mother? What if i do it wrong? How do I know if I’m really ready to have a baby? But now that a few years have passed, I see that after all, it was not so bad for me to play this role of mom .
Your arrival was highly anticipated, as it was not only my first baby, but also your grandparents’ first granddaughter, so you can imagine how we all felt during those long nine months. It’s very funny how you can feel in love with someone you don’t know yet, but that’s what motherhood is like .
When you finally came into our lives, you turned our world upside down. Everything he thought he knew about life changed. I have to be honest: I had no idea how to be a mom. She had never held a baby in her arms, much less changed a diaper. It was totally unfamiliar territory for me.
But you, with that tiny size, those tiny hands and those eyes full of illusion, you taught me to be a mother. It is incredible how before I had you I had no idea how I would do things, and when you arrived you seemed to give me many of the answers that I needed so much .
Of course, although today I am very different from that new mother, young and inexperienced, I still continue to learn many things at your side . But it is incredible how much you have changed not only my life, but my way of thinking and seeing things . My priorities, goals and objectives are very different from the ones I had when I was not yet a mother.
Carrying you during those first years was one of the most exhaustingly precious things I have ever experienced, and although that time is long gone , there will always be a space for you within them , no matter how old you are.
As you grow older, many things change, but there is something that will certainly never change: the love I feel for you. Before having you, I thought that I knew and knew what it was to love, but you came to help me discover that I have a capacity to love much greater than I could imagine .
Now that I am a mom, I can reaffirm what I have heard so much that there is no love more unconditional than that of a mother and that there simply are not enough words to describe how you make me feel. But also, I discovered another way of loving that no one had mentioned to me: yours .
And it is that there is no purer, tender and sincere love like the one our children have when they are little . You undoubtedly stole my heart and trapped it between those soft little hands of yours.
But in addition to teaching me to be a mother and showing me a new and different way of loving, you have relived in me something that was dormant for a long time , and it is nothing more and nothing less than that precious capacity for illusion and enthusiasm that usually only it is lived during childhood.
Thanks to you, I can go back to being a girl again . You have taught me to stop and smell the flowers and listen to the song of the birds. With you I have learned how magical bubbles are on a summer afternoon and how delicious it is to laugh at the simplest things in life until your belly hurts.
You have helped me remember all those things that I enjoyed so much when I was little : the illusion of Christmas , the excitement and surprise of those children’s series and movies that I watched over and over again in my own childhood , and enjoying a good ice cream as if was the greatest thing in the world.
I always thought that I would be the one who would guide your steps and teach you everything you needed to know about life, but you have shown me that it is not like that, and that in reality, you have become my teacher of many things, such as love, patience and magic , giving me valuable life lessons .
Sharing life with you has also allowed me to transmit many of the things that I love to you and I have been able to re-experience with you , such as my passion for traveling and seeing new places, dancing in the kitchen to the rhythm of the music that I like and my love of books .
In addition to thanking you, I would also like to ask for your forgiveness. Being the little girl who made me a mother, what I have done with you has been a long road with many successes, but the truth is that I have also made some mistakes .
Well they say that with the first child you experiment and improvise a lot, but I want you to know that I have done everything with the best of intentions and from the love I feel for you , despite being completely inexperienced and having a thousand doubts about how take care of you.
Although sometimes there are heavy or difficult days, in which we both have to navigate together through complicated feelings, but in the end we always end the day with a hug, loving and forgiving each other for those things that we could have done wrong during the day, but that they serve us as a lesson to continue improving and learning.
I want to tell you that you are a source of inspiration and of the most incredible, beautiful and indescribable feelings that my heart has felt. It’s funny how someone so tiny can make you feel so big . But that’s what being a mother is like, and if one day you choose to be, I hope you can understand how much I love you.
For all this and much more, it is an honor to be your mother and I thank you deeply for being my daughter. Because thanks to you, my first daughter, I learned to be a mother and discovered a form of love like no other .